So drunk its hurt
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
