She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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