How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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