And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
