You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
