KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
