Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
