dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I did not marry a roomba.
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