oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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