You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
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i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
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Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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