What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
We smell like vodka and hangover
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
