He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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