Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
