where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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