I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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