its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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