That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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