So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
