When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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