oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I can't turn off my feet"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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