I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
