know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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