So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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