She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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