So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
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This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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