i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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