So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
