pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
