Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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