ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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