so let's talk penis.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
