Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
