taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
