You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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