I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
a search helicopter?!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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