she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
