Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
