On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
