Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
