Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
