i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
