So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
