So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
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