Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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