We named our party play list daddy issues
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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