That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize