Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
