how can u be prego again
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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