The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
