I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
