I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Ketchup is God's man juice
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
