NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
