My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
