I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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