I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
