I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
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theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
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All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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