well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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