I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
