So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
