I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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