If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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