i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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