ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
cat food counts as protein by the way
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
