We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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