btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Ladies don't puke and tell
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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