did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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