I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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